i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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