Already got asked if we're dating
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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