I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
