Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
