Your mouth is God's brothel.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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