Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
