Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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