And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
