i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
