Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
