Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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