Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
