I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
