You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
