I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
