I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
