I wannas sexs uuuuu
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
