I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
