Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
