my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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