i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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