That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
