I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pants are for mortals
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
