I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
