Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
