a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
