That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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