apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
