how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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