think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
