We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's always time for handjobs
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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