He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
