He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
