she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
