NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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