I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
