im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
