So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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