somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
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you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
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You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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