are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
