At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
