Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
