4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
