A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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