I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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