this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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