I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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