what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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