is your mom at the bar?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
