At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
