I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
