official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
