Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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