Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
