I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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