bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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