there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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