i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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