Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
