Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
