remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
