So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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