Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
