I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Someone shit on the floor
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
