I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
