god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
