I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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